In this page I will attempt to list and address concerns experienced by the partners of uncut men considering circumcision. If you are an intact man who is considering the procedure, please remember that your partner will almost certainly have concerns too. If you are serious about circumcision but don’t know your partner’s concerns, or think your partner has none, it is absolutely essential for your relationship’s health that you have a frank and candid talk about this. If your partner claims to have none they either don’t love you, or more likely, are afraid of influencing your decision. Dragging them into the open, painful as the process may be, will benefit you both.

This page is heavily influenced by my experience with my wife, and the fights we have gotten into, while I made the decision for myself. I have asked her input on the most important subjects to address.

If your partner is considering circumcision and you have questions or concerns you would like me to address I openly encourage you to ask or state them. Please feel free to leave a comment, or to send an email to me at chooser@choosingcircumcision.org. I will take seriously any serious message.

I don’t really know just what happens during an adult circumcision. I guess they pull back the foreskin and cut it off somehow, but this sounds incredibly painful and I worry my man doesn’t know what he’s getting into.

The best thing you can do for your worries is in fact good for your man as well: Ask him to show you. If he’s already had his consultation with a urologist the procedure should have been explained to him. The details are also readily available online from various urological practices. (Here are some details of adult circumcision, including illustrations, provided by a practice selected randomly.) Sit down on the couch together. Your man should be naked. Have him draw the incisions they will make, using the marker, directly on his penis.

If your man doesn’t know what happens during an adult circumcision and can’t show it to you then he doesn’t know what he’s getting into.

As for the pain, you can be assured that the procedure itself will be pain-free. For the actual circumcision your man will be under general anesthesia, unconscious. When he wakes up there will be a local anesthetic ensuring that he is still pain-free. His urologist will give him a prescription for a narcotic pain killer for the hours and days to follow. Be sure to fill this prescription immediately.

Once the local anesthetic has worn off, you should already have filled the prescription for his narcotic pain medication. The only situation in which it will hurt is if your man does not have access to his medication when he needs it.

What if something goes wrong during the surgery and his penis falls off? (Or he can never again reach orgasm?)

Adult circumcision is an extremely safe procedure, and it is incredibly unlikely that something will go wrong. He will be unconscious and unmoving during the incisions. Circumcision horror stories originate from infant circumcisions, not circumcisions on adults. Your man, choosing circumcision as an adult, will face none of those risks.

Concerning inability to reach orgasm, be aware that your man will experience reduced sensation during sex. This is inherent in his decision to be “cut”; his foreskin is more sensitive that the rest of his penis combined. After his procedure those nerves will be gone, and he will take longer to reach orgasm. Surveys of sexually active men circumcised as adults confirm the reduction in sensitivity and increase in time to reach orgasm, but have also found that the men in question consider this an advantage and not a disadvantage; you will both still reach orgasm, but his sexual performance will be improved. Because stimulation of his penis occurs over a longer time he may find his orgasm even more pleasurable than those before his operation.

What if he regrets his decision and I supported the circumcision so he blames or resents me for not trying to make him stay uncut?

If your man is getting circumcised at all, it must be voluntary. As long as you do not push him into the decision he will not resent you even if he changes his mind post-operation. A truly voluntary circumcision will have been his decision, made by him with full knowledge of what he is getting into. As long as this is the case he will neither blame nor resent you.

If your man feels you pushed him into a circumcision he will resent you whether he regrets it or not.

Finally, your man should already know before making his decision whether or not you are in favor of it. You won’t be able to convincingly fake an opinion you don’t hold on such an emotional subject, and he will be upset at you for dishonesty if you try.

What if his sensation is so decreased I can’t make him orgasm anymore? Or he just doesn’t enjoy sex anymore?

So disabling a decrease in sensation simply isn’t realistic. If you have had circumcised lovers in the past you already know how to make a circumcised man reach orgasm. Yes, he will take longer to climax than he used to. Don’t take offense at this; it doesn’t mean you are doing anything wrong. There are fewer nerves with which he will experience sex, but he will still reach orgasm and he will certainly still enjoy it.

What if he’s getting circumcised for the wrong reason (me) instead of him?

The only way to know this is for the two of you to sit down and have one of the frank and candid discussions I have already recommended. If you are asking this question at all then you can be assured that, whether you like it or not, you are part of his reason for considering circumcision. Your man loves you and values your thoughts and opinions, especially on a subject that is of such personal importance to him. If your man cannot furnish a reason beyond doing it for you then you may be justified in questioning his choice. However, the decision is ultimately his and as the woman he loves and as a part of his life there is simply nothing you can do to stop him from, at least in part, trying to please you.

What if I still don’t enjoy oral sex after the circumcision? Will he be mad at me? Will he be hurt? Should I pretend I really like the new and improved penis just to please him?

You probably already know from past experience whether you enjoy oral sex with a man who has been circumcised. Be honest with your man here. If you don’t already enjoy it you won’t enjoy it this time. As long as he knows what to expect he will be neither mad nor hurt.

If your dislike of oral sex with your man is hygienic in nature, be sure that he understands that personal hygiene will still be important. Circumcision may make keeping himself clean easier, but nothing will keep him clean if he doesn’t wash regularly. A dirty penis will be unpleasant to give oral to whether or not it has a foreskin.

Don’t pretend to like his penis simply to make him feel better. He’ll find out eventually, and just feel worse instead. You probably know from past experience whether you will consider his circumcised penis to be “new and improved”. If this is an issue for you then be sure to talk about it before he makes his decision.